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Be safe, be safe, be safe, be saaaafe [19 Jan 2013|08:27pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Tried to be AN HERO last summer, failed at that. Common theme there, failure. Trying to be an optimist just doesn't work. Nobody reads this shit, I don't care, I retired from Facebook. Hate that fucking facebook, HATE it. Nothing but people showing drunken pictures, how they're in "love" (they'll learn, just like I did-it doesn't exist), trying to be political when they have no clue. Loneliness is consuming my life. Hard to meet people when I'm not an alcoholic. Can't be sober and meet people, that's the rule. Nobody will hire me, if you haven't worked in a few years employers will not give you a chance in hell. So 2 years and nothing changes, and I've been trying so that's not it. Maybe I'm doomed, because I am godless and a pessimist, who sees things and people for what they are. This year has to be better, otherwise I could still be AN HERO if I try hard! 😱

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if i don't feel better after tuesday, im going to the hospital. [30 Oct 2011|11:14pm]
[ mood | sad ]

 Recent research has revealed that emotional trauma can result from such common occurrences as an auto accident, or the breakup of a significant relationship.

Traumatizing events can take a serious emotional toll on those involved, even if the event did not cause physical damage.

 Regardless of its source, an emotional trauma contains three common elements:
• it was unexpected;
• the person was unprepared; and
• there was nothing the person could do to prevent it from happening.

 Symptoms of emotional trauma:
 • Eating disturbances (more or less than usual)
Sleep disturbances (more or less than usual)
• Sexual dysfunction
Low energy
• Chronic, unexplained pain
Depression, spontaneous crying, despair and hopelessness
Panic attacks
• Fearfulness
• Compulsive and obsessive behaviors
• Feeling out of control
• Irritability, angry and resentment
Emotional numbness
Withdrawal from normal routine and relationships
obsessions with death

It is not the event that determines whether something is traumatic to someone, but the individual's experience of the event.

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my dog's not in your dumpster [17 Oct 2011|09:26pm]
[ mood | morose ]

I didn't die you dreamt it, you dreamt it, i'm as alive as your best good intentions. Sorry that i tricked you, you have to focus.

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iwasfollowingthe,iwasfollowing,iwasfollowing,etc,etc [11 Jul 2011|07:30am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I was following the pack all swallowed in their coats, with scarves of red tied 'round their throats, to keep their little heads from falling in the snow, and i turned round and there you go

it's getting worse. feel like im rotting, going through the motions. my reality is quite different, i must say. bleak is not an efficient word. Give me your eyes, I need sunshine. Your blood, your bones, your voice, and your ghost.

I'm leaving now, returning a stump grinder to the rental company. Too heavy to lift, but it will have to be done. Wish me luck, and other good things... if you're so inclined. bye.

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[28 Jun 2011|04:41am]
[ mood | groggy ]

i used to hate cats. i have two now, they are great, i don't have to walk them. this is awesome>> http://www.examiner.com/animal-welfare-in-chicago/pit-bulls-save-the-life-of-a-helpless-chihuahua-during-coyote-attack

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all these people drinking lovers spit, they sit around and clean their face with it [15 Feb 2011|09:21pm]
I went to the doctor today, might as well take advantage of obamacare. now i have paxil and xanax.. Let's see what happens? no? I wish I could speak french, oui oui? I just read this in the news section on google, "White kids are a shrinking part of the national population," NOW IM SCARED

my gut knots up, my heart bursts like,
a pinata pop, this has gotta stop, watch the water drop from clouds
it sure rains a lot.
And I've felt how, a heart melts down
I'm so burnt out; I'm a shell now
It's the worst of lows, it's the first to go
it's the last to come back when the sun melts the snow
What i'm giving, you is taking, lots of lying, and some faking
Have i gone too far? Am i too far gone? I've been up all night, and fight to keep out the dawn.
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right now-best song.. [14 Feb 2011|07:13pm]
First time I met you I was full of fear
Knew that eventually you'd disappear
Just when I needed you you'd burn to smoke
And off you'd go

Just come back
Peel away the mask
Lay here beside me
And open your eyes
Take it back
Your dignity, your tact
Turn back to the person
You tried to let die

I caught you nesting with your analogue
Glassy-eyed from kissing poison frogs
Becoming infinite against his couch
Open your mouth And say the words

You used to wish you heard
Back when you focused
Enough to be good
And if you're gone
An endless false alarm
Just remember I loved you
As long as I could
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I hate posses [14 Feb 2011|12:11pm]
Baddest motherfucker in any movie i've ever seen...if you don't know what movie i'm talking about, watch/download 3:10 to Yuma. I've seen it so many times, i'm about to watch it right now. Getting tired of the new Tetris, already got it to 100% completion, still can't beat the bastards online. Feel like shit today, again. The scar on my stomach is HUGE, it looks like i have a gill. I'll never be a model now.
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CLICK THE THINGY IT WILL SHOW UP, YOU WiLL like iT [06 Feb 2011|11:17pm]
I'm a rat and you're detached from all the words.

shit i listen to..

BTW the new Tetris game, EXCLUSIVE to ps3, KICKS ASS.
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[06 Feb 2011|02:03pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

i wake up, in my room.. with chocolate all over my face(candy, i eat alot of candy when i'm feeling this way), sleeping face down, disoriented, and not remembering what happened the night before. what's wrong with me? i want to cry, but am not able. no tears left. i need something-or someone-to give me some hope, some kind of advice... anything to look forward to. Right now, it's about to make me do what i used to do, at least that kept me numb to my feelings. God i sound like such a pussy, don't mistake me for a weakling, i still beat the fuck out of all takers. about the only thing i ever did well in life.

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down down baby, down by the rollercoaster [05 Feb 2011|12:26pm]
[ mood | guilty ]


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[31 Jan 2011|11:46am]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

Off to the head doctor i go.. contemplating things. I've had three panic attacks in 2 days, i cant take much more. i drink too much. i couldn't even see the road last night...probably not smart to drive like that, but seriously, i dont give a shit. oh and i almost died last month, appendix burst, and i waited WAAAY too long to go to the hospital, had to have a brutal surgery. not sure why im posting this, it's been a while since the last time i did, im sure no one is interested in what i have to say. to sum things up, im in debt $1,000 to the hospital, i quit smoking pot a year and a half ago, and let me tell you, it doesn't make me feel any better, the doctor told me my if i keep smoking cigarettes i will get emphysema soon.. whatever that means. how can i quit now, shit, it's like god is making me suffer for stupid things i did when i was a kid, i just can't take it.

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!!! [21 Oct 2008|02:19pm]
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[20 Oct 2008|01:08pm]
wont you let me walk you home from school, wont you let me meet you at the pool, maybe friday i can, get tickets for the dance.. and i'll taaake you, ooo hoo.
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im scared to death when i see them arrive [30 Sep 2008|02:07pm]
[ mood | okay ]

got my mastodon hoodie yesterday. most exciting thing that's happened all year to me. how sad is that? got some cigarettes that have this thing in the filter, when you crush it, it changes from regular to menthol. transformer cigarettes, how exciting. Download gojira's new cd, you dont know shit about gojira bitch.

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falling short of gauntlet, covered in blood sucking flies [26 Sep 2008|09:15am]
[ mood | stressed ]

fucking woodpecker.. not gonna peck on my house anymore are you? ARE YOU? no, because you're fucking DEAD.

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hows it goin? are you flowin? [28 Aug 2008|10:35pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

We don’t mind sucking on toes. Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, OW!

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[04 Aug 2008|12:36pm]
fuckin spiders.... shit i hate them
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[19 Jul 2008|01:34pm]
i might be getting a job that pays $12/hr. That's if my uncle wasnt too drunk last night and doesnt forget to give the guy my number... There is a 2 inch gash on my forehead... its giving me headaches.

edit: that job isnt happening. just as i was expecting, my uncle never said anything about it. fuck it, work sucks.
5 comments|post comment

fuck the world if they cant adjust.. its just as well [13 Jul 2008|01:52pm]
i swear to god it feels like death is fuckin callin me... but nah you wouldnt understand.

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